April 10th, 1994...20 years to the day.

April 10th, 1994.

It was the last day of a weekend camp retreat and I can tell you that I sure didn’t go there intending to give my life away; but what I discovered was that if we want to find our true lives, we must first lose them.  On that morning, around 11am, I had had enough of living life on my terms and embraced a new life found only in and through the person of Jesus Christ.

My life would be forever changed...redeemed...rebuilt...remade.

20 years later...April 10th, 2014.

To the day and down to the very hour, I would hear the words come out of our Oncologists mouth that our youngest son had Leukemia.

Devastation...is this really happening?

Uncertainty...what will the outcome be?

Sorrow...he is such an innocent child...

Not the greatest 20th anniversary gift for a life of faith...at least that’s what some might say.

It was just a couple weeks earlier that I was reading A.W. Tozer’s “Pursuit of God” and was reminded that possessions can often take the place of God’s priority in our lives so easily.  Possessions are things we like to control; take charge of, have pride in, find joy with.  Possessions can easily strip God of His rightful place in our lives.  Even people can become possessions.  Anything which becomes a higher priority than God in our lives is called an idol.  I know, it sounds harsh, and for me to simply say “that’s what it says in the Bible” may sound ignorant, brainwashed, or naive.  But it’s true, and it’s called idolatry.

You see, it had been just over two years since our move to the Island and we were still in many ways enjoying the honeymoon of the move.  Our family was rooted in a small town community.  The work at Camp was fun and challenging and inspiring.  Our Church community was renewing its passion for following Jesus.  Our backyard was every parents dream.  Our new friends and colleagues were amazing...and the list goes on.

And for each of these “blessings” I never once felt that it was my own doing; it was God who had led us, molded us, prepared us and now placed us in this situation to honor Him.  The enjoyment, the peace, the bliss, the contentment was real...we had settled down and had found our home.

And that’s when I believe God started taking second place.  Although He was the Giver of these gifts, it was the gifts themselves which were being enjoyed more than, perhaps, the One who gave these gifts!  It’s not that I was taking credit for any of it...it was that I had become distracted.  For some of you this way of thinking may simply seem off, weird, terrible, or even conflictual.  But for me, the question I had to ask myself was whether these things, these “blessings,” had become idols and more important than my relationship with my Savior.  Now, to be clear, I do not believe that my slipping towards apathy was the catalyst for Jaxon’s sickness...please do not take that from this!  What I believe is that it was God’s way of preparing my faith to endure it.

But there was a line in that little book by Tozer which says, “In possessing nothing, we have everything.”  And what he goes on to explain is that until our sole possession is God and God alone, all other things could become highways to idolatry.  Essentially what he says is that we must ask ourselves if there is any one thing (or person) on this earth that is a higher priority than God in our lives.  If so, that becomes our possession and if we lose that possession then what will our lives be rooted in?  What will anchor our lives when our sole possession is lost?  If we could indeed possess everything, every single thing that our hearts desired...would we be content?  Really, and truly?  How often do we need to look back and see how in our lives we’ve longed for something, only to discover it doesn’t have the capacity to give us true peace and contentment?  What thing, or person, are you putting your trust in?  Maybe it’s nothing more than yourself!?  Perhaps you are your own idol, and there’s no place for God because His rightful place is on the top, and you don’t take kindly to others being in charge of your life.  And that is indeed the most difficult thing to give up, and the single most difficult thing to give up in order to enter a life of faith...ourselves.

This is why God must become our sole possession.  For He is the Creator and we are the created, and to worship or possess anything other than Him is to worship that which has been created and not the One who is worthy of worship; the Creator.

And so, in possessing nothing we have everything.  This doesn’t mean we literally “have” everything.  It means we are truly free of being burdened by possessions.  It means if something gets lost or broken or stolen...we’ll be ok.  It even means that if a loved one is taken from us, we will survive.  This isn’t some kind of sick and twisted mind/emotional control game either; it’s not about that.  To be a Christ follower is not to be naive or stupid or weak.  It means we are okay with life as it comes.  We are content with ourselves because we are connected to the One who Created us, and all things.  It means that when really crappy stuff happens in our lives we don’t sit there and point the finger at God.  And it doesn’t mean that we are robotic, unemotional creatures either.  When tragedy strikes, we mourn.  When things go sideways, we cry.  When life gives us lemons...well, you know.  

And so a life of faith is one that embraces the mystery of God and allows circumstances to be what they are, all the while trusting that God, indeed, is in the details, and sometimes (probably more like most of the time) we don’t need to know what those details are.

On April 10th, 2014, just a few weeks after reading Tozer’s book and really being hit hard with what it had to say, my faith was put to the test.  I would have to ask myself the question of whether God was indeed my sole possession or would I grasp onto those things which He had gifted to me...to us?  To put our hope in things that can, seemingly in an instant, be taken away from us, is to put our hope in despair.  But to put our hope in the One who loves us unconditionally and yearns for us to reconnect with Him, is to put our hope not in earthly possessions but in the One who possess all things, Jesus Christ.  

To Him be the glory and honor and praise, forever and ever...Amen!